Mary Sue Fanfiction
by skysayzrawr
Summary: A quick 'mary sue' fanfic to blow off some steam from my more serious stories. Basically I, the writer, enter the Buffyverse...


_Hey, ya'll! I have no clue why I said that, as I live in California and in no way hail from Texas or thereabouts. Anywho, I was in kind of a writers block-y mood, and I remembered the awesome episode of Buffy in which Jonathan was suddenly a hero. Then I remembered the entertaining Wikapedia synopsis and it's mentioning that the episode was a parody of sorts on 'Mary Sue Fanfiction' in which the author goes into the universe and outshines all the inhabitants. _

_I kept thinking and soon I remembered a hilarious fic entitled 'Three Vamps, a Slayer, and a Bloody Mess' which I found hysterical for some reason (probably the Riley-bashing. No…definetly the Riley-bashing!). I thought about it and decided to write my very own one-shot Mary Sue fanfic. So, hello? On with the thing already! _

_P.S. I'll give you some leftover Halloween candy if you review! *_

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Me: Woah. How did I get here?

Angel: You must have come through the dimensional vortex.

Me: _Angel_? I thought you went to LA!

Angel: Yeah, well…maybe I came back. It's fan fiction, it has no story arc!

Me: Uh, okay. So did I like, wish you into existence or something?

Angel: I dunno. Try wishing up a soda or something.

Me: Hmm…I'll do one even better.

*wish-wish-wish-wish*

Spike: What the bloody hell?

Me: AAAAAAAAH OHMYGOD SPIKE!

Spike: Angel, what's this sodding bint on about?

Angel: Oh. She's the writer. She just wished you into existence. I think I would have liked a soda better.

Me: Hey, Angel?

Angel: Yeah?

Me: Why don't you just _shut up_!

Angel: Hey! I could kill you you know. I'm very dangerous.

Me: Yeah? I could wish it to be that Buffy came up and staked you right now, then had some fun with Spike in your ashes!

Angel: Wh-wha- I mean…um, *gulp*.

Me: Yeah, that's right. But I won't. On account of how I'd have to kill Buffy for daring to touch Spike. I mean, it's all very well and good when the characters are fictional and stuff, so I just live vicariously…but now that I'm here? Uh, uh. Slayer girl better get her tiny hands off _my _Blondie Bear!

Spike: What the hell? How did you know about Harm's nickname?

Angel: Cause, _duh_, she wished us into existence, remember? She probably knows everything about us!

Spike: Oh, yeah right. There's stuff about me no one could ever kn-

Me: Spike, they call you William the Bloody cause you're a bloody awful poet. That one guy found out he'd rather not have a railroad spike shoved through his head than listen to your poetry, and you once had a dream that you had sex with Buffy and told her you loved her. Also, that's not your real hair color. But anyone could have told you _that. _Also, you cheat at kitten poker.

Spike: …

Angel: Ahahah! Sorry man, that's just _too_ funny! Girl know more about you than me, and I know a lot about you.

Spike: Yeah, well maybe I'll just kill her, eh? Keep her out of my-

Me: Spike. I thought you _loved_ me!

Spike: What are you talking abo- oh, God. Did I threaten you, luv? Sorry, you know I didn't mean it, right?

Me: Well, I guess I can forgive you if-

Buffy: Spike, what the _hell_ is going on here? I thought you died!

Me: Oh, _crap_. What is she doing here?

Spike: Well, I'll have you know Goldilocks here raised me from the dead, she did. Might powerful, that chit.

Buffy: Umm, I raised you from the dead? What?

Me: Uh, _excuse me_, I think he was talking to me.

Buffy: Yeah, in your dreams, human girl. He's a bloodthirsty murderer, now shoo, shoo. You don't belong here. Besides, _I'm _Goldilocks.

Me: Hah! I have blonde hair, too! _And _I'm the one who brought you here, idiot. God, about time, too. You wanna know something? I think it's about freaking time somebody layed into you for what you did to poor Spikey here.

Buffy, raising an eyebrow: Spikey?

Me: Yeah. You are a BITCH. You try to kill him, you're nice to him, you try to hurt him, he confesses him feelings for you, you try to kill him again, you go all hot and cold on him until you want some sex, so you use him until you can't take the guiltiness anymore. Then when you leave him high and dry, he tries to puzzle out what happened and tries to get you back together in the only option you've provided him with, THEN you blame it ALL on him. And then, you give him false hope again, stringing him along to be a useful little helper. You're so evil to him that at the end of it all, he can't even accept that you love him. God, you're a terrible person.

Buffy: How did you…?

Angel: Like I keep explaining to everyone- hello? Writer here? Controls the whole place? Yeesh.

Spike: You know so much about us…how? I mean, besides being the writer. Cos if you wrote all that, you're even worse than Buffy is. That's pretty hard to beat, you know.

Buffy: Hey, you know wha-

Me: Buffy, STOP DENYING THE TRUTH.

Buffy: I was a bitch to you Spike. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and others around me. I am also sorry to all the viewers of the show. I have let you down time and time again. I apologize.

Me: Better.

Buffy: Wha…? Did I say something?

Angel: What was that about veiwers?

Me: It's not important. What is important is that Buffy finally sees the truth. Do you see it, Buffy? Can you see the truth staring you in the face?

Buffy: Yeah…yeah, I can. I'm sorry, Spike. I was so horrible to you! I love you so much and I just pushed you away.

Spike: Oh, Buffy-

Me: wish-wish-wish

Spike: Oh, Buffy- what a bitch you have been. Sorry, I'm with this beautiful fanfic writer now!

Buffy (stomps away in a huff): Fine! I don't need you stupid men anyway!

Riley: Hey, Buffy! Do you think we could get back tog-

Buffy: No.

Riley: But I really thought-

Buffy (kicking Riley repeatedly before leaving): I _said_, NO.

Angel (following after Buffy at a safe distance): Cookies…I'm gonna go see if my cookies are done yet.

Spike: So…

Me (grabbing Spike and kissing him passionately): Mmmmn, can we go back to your cryp-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"_Crap! _It was all a dream…" I say sadly as I wake up and stretch. "Time to update my fanfic pages. Sigh…"

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_*Please note that like the cupcakes provided in 'Willow's Offer,' it is made of your imagination. But it's just as yummy as the real thing! **_

_**Actually, it's not that good unless you have a really, really awesome imagination. _


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